Streets Are Filled With --
picking up what people have left behind
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1st-Jul-2010 12:41 am - Rambly notes
It's a very drab day outside -- it's been a very drab week, in all honesty -- the sky's overcast with cloud and shadow and this wasn't what I signed up for when I came back home to the tropics for the summer. It's July! There's meant to be not a cumulonimbus in sight save for the wafting smog of Indonesia setting itself on fire! WHERE IS THE SUN.

So, instead of baking on a beach or doing something else that might contribute to my early demise via skin cancer I am sitting in the bowels of a shopping centre and discovering the telecommunication marvel that is internet tethering via the iPhone. No one in America knows what this marvel is because AT&T is a company made up of executives who sold their intelligence for greed.

Rambly thoughts on home, or is it my country that I'm talking about; WAIT WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE. Warning for my bad map-drawing skills. )

In other news, my hazelnut drink tastes full of delicious. Now to get off the thinky-thoughts horse to go write some corporate Reno and/or a bunch of original things that involve screaming and torture by education.
23rd-Jun-2009 01:15 pm - (post of seriousness) Growing up + growing wiser
Interceding into fandom time - caveat lector for discussions on race and identity!

A while back ago, good people put up the 2nd Asian Women Blog Carnival, and called for submissions. The AWBC is an awesome thing! Around that time - slightly earlier - I'd put up a few personal thinky-thoughts posts at [info - livejournal.com]bromatheon, one of which was a product of a discussion my brother and I had. It's a very emotionally confusing post even for me, and I tried to put down as much of what had been said verbatim in my attempts to understand my brother's view. The good charity and will of my friends saw that post (and one other) getting sent to the AWBC - I didn't know about it until after, but I was totally cool with it either way. ♥

Unfortunately I am a silly eggchick - in an attempt to round of the post and get a better night's sleep at the end of it, I stepped way too much in the opposite direction and drew conclusions that have turned out to hurt and offend others. Even after I realised that the post had gone on to a larger forum, I didn't go back to read through it and make proper comment. colorblue (DW) wrote explaining how that post was an example of intra-racial whitewashing. Our host, the good oyceter, also made a post afterwards bringing up how the post outlined my POV but, in the process of doing so, blindsided other people's POVs.

I'm very grateful that these posts were made calling my thoughts out - and again I would like to extend my apologies for having made posts so unthinkingly. My intentions may have been in place but the results of my thinking, when logically drawn out, prove to be shortsighted and damaging.

Thanks to these thoughts and many good friends, I've spent some time and a few more words trying to learn from this and grow. ♥ Ergo this sort-of follow up, sort-of new-ground covering post at [info]bromatheon.

Once more, my deepest apologies to anyone my earlier post may have offended, and I take full responsibility for it, and my attempts at trying to grow up a better person.
6th-May-2009 10:02 pm - Worktimes, realtimes, strangetimes
Strange thought blurb expose times! :D In lieu of fic, because my brain works funny when adjusting to new schedules.

Just came back from work a few hours ago; days go by a lot faster when you've got sleep on your side. But then a thought floated by: why do days at work crawl so much more than days at school did for me?

Ergo the theory that there obviously needs to be things to be destroyed before anything is interesting )

Learning is huge. It's putting yourself up against the ruler of the brightest minds and seeing how you measure up. It scares the shit out of me: it makes me fight for every idea I don't understand, for every concept that could be more, for something that pushes through the huge bulk of an entire race's collective inquiry, the one thing that allows us the lives we lead. To learn that is to fight for your life, tearing screaming and yelling through the blackness of confusion and to come out the other side better equipped and glad to be alive.

Work isn't the same. Work isn't harder. Work's more tiring, because I don't love it at the moment; I know, in the way that I guess we all know at the bottom of our hearts, that this job isn't in the field that I'd be glad to fall in battle in, wielding Blackberries and a 12-hour day as armour. There's nothing to fight in a "job": nothing but boredom and the thought of the end of the day. No obstacle to tear down en route to something greater, no end goal to surge towards with the intensity of rightness that makes what the greatest and worst men and women of the real and fictional worlds what they were. Which is the stuff that inspires, at the end of the day. How did Schindler save those lives? How were orders given to drop the Plate on a seventh of the city of Midgar? Did Julius Caesar sleep well at night? Or did Marc Antony, before Shakespeare woke from his dream to write the one of the greatest rhetoric speeches in the English language? How many hours did Lucifer spend planning his fall? What went on in the heads of the men writing God? Would Bruce Wayne have had any sense of justice as a policeman?


So I'll always keep looking for the next human being, the next book, the next fic, the next game, the next line, the next song, that makes me feel truly stupid inside. Since -- To burn through and gouge out the logic of the past, or to rebuild and rip up the sky of the future. There's some worth in doing that while a human is alive.


(To this song! Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger

Work it harder make it better
do it faster makes us stronger
more than ever hour after
our work is never over
)

AND THAT IS ALL OF YOUR STRANGE AND THOUGHTFUL K FOR THE WEEK. Coming next post: fic once more! With hope. And some effort.
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